The pigeons are on our side....

An anonymous report has just come in from something claiming to be an undercover pigeon reporter in the Park:

Students in the Park have been befuddled and bemused by the identity of a so-called 'Bert the Squirrel'. There is in fact a whole crime syndicate of squirrels in the Park masterminded by Big Bad Bert and his gangster moll Bertina Squirrel. Cheshire Constabulary (Squirrel Investigation Branch) are investigating the following crimes: obtaining nuts by false pretenses (notably by looking cute and cuddly), cheese sandwich laundering and the planting of clay pipe stems. Arrests of the culprits are expected imminently.